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7 Responses to “Thin Slicing Marriage”

  1. Kat says:

    Excellent article on a MAJOR concern in many marriages (and has been in mine) insight and foresight may help others help themselves and others they love and know from becoming the next statistic.

    I stand firm in the belief that what we know and acknowledge we can release and defeat!
    (still married after all these years!)

  2. Vicki says:

    Thank you for such a timely and succinct article. I know of at least four people I am forwarding this to immediately.

    My husband and I are celebrating our 30th anniversary this year and thank God that his mercy and grace sustained us through those periods when we did feel contempt for each other.

    Jesus is the healer and delights in healing marriages. I know. He has healed ours more than once. The key is to submit ourselves to Him.

  3. David Greusel says:

    Dallas Willard discusses the sin of contempt at some length in “The Divine Concspiracy.” I highly recommend this discussion and agree with Mike that pride and contempt are the top two ways that we defeat ourselves here below. You hear a lot about pride from the pulpit, but very little about contempt. This seems a dangerous omission, and perhaps part of the reason for the Church’s unimpressive divorce statistics.

  4. Douglas says:

    My wife and I married exactly 2mos to the day from when we met in the Summer of 1996. I mention this because I can assure you that there was no way we were able to analyze/observe each other enough to know if we really wanted that ‘bag of goods’; we both felt that the Lord had brought us together, from opposite sides of the planet[literally], to join ourselves together in the journey of marriage. We did not enter into our nuptials lightly, for we were both committed to our oath, unto death, before God.

    Sure, we have had our share of, ahem, calibrations that have revealed how we ‘really felt’ about things and each other… but alas, I know our commitment to our marriage and the total awesomeness of God’s love and mercy have helped us to grow through even those experiences… I learned some of the most important three words phrases in a marriage relationship early in our nearly 12 yrs of life together – “I was wrong” and “I’m sorry, dear”.

    The most important lesson that I have learned (and occasionally have refreshers on) is that “only I can make myself DO what I DON’T want to do” – she can’t make me – I can make myself do the things I don’t want to do because I want to have the things I’ve always wanted to have. I accept and admit that I am wrong when I am wrong and I have learned to accept responsibility even when we can’t agree whose it is to bear. If it’s what it takes to have peace in our home, I consider my pride to be a small price to pay to have a little ‘slice of heaven’ here on Earth.

  5. KDH says:

    Good article. Gottman is well known in the counseling community and has been found quite effective in teaching marriage counselors who to counsel through such issues. He book, 7 Principles to Making a Marriage Work was helpful along with their journey with Christ towards. healing.

    Thanks for sharing!

  6. Pam says:

    Considering that Jesus was not specifically addressing marriage in this text, I am intrigued instead with the idea of thinking about how Christians (specifically those in fellowship with each other)show contempt towards each other. To me, this can be a huge sin in the Church today. It poisons and spoils relationships and leaves behind broken relationships, much to the grief of the Spirit. How about doing a commentary about this?

  7. Larry Gross says:

    Contempt sneaks into our lives and attitudes much like any sin does – at first, we may not recognize it for what it is – but allowed to grow (again, like any sin), it’s only fruit is death and darkness: death to a marriage, livelihood, friendship, church, fill in the blank.

    I’ve been married for 16 glorious years – to say that we’ve both gone through all 16 years without feeling contempt for the other a time or two (or more) would be a lie. Contempt, marginalization, pride, egotism – all come easy, but as shown in this commentary… it’s what we do after that really matters.

    We’ve stayed happy and committed for 16 years not because we’ve had no issues, but because God has worked us through the issues and helped us recognize our own sin and reminded us just how desperately we need a Savior every moment of every day. Sin will continue to beset us in this fallen state – repentance and restoration by the power of the Spirit are what keep us on the path and the only way we can maintain any healthy relationship – especially a marriage.

    Thanks Mike for another great article.

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